Wednesday, May 09, 2012

A conductors guide to understanding your musicians.


Musicianish - Conductorish Parleur, 1st Edition

What they say

What they mean

"I can't see your beat in bar XX, could you give me a clear cue on the X-beat in that bar?" (habitually heard after the first or second read-through of a new piece) "I didn't open my part before the rehearsal, and now 'm too busy looking in my music to have even a remote chance of observing what you are doing"
"I really liked that conductor" "That conductor called the rehearsal early"
(Strings) "This is too fast" "This is not in D major"
(Singer) "This is too fast" "I did it slower with another conductor who said I was good"
(Brass) "This is too fast” "I had a big lunch"
"I'd like to keep a flow in bar 41 and 42" "I don't understand the rhythm in bar 41 and 42, so I'm gonna try and ignore it..."
"Yes, he's a major talent" "I wish I had his agent"
"Next season looks a bit boring" "There is a Bruckner symphony on next season"
(Concertmaster) "Are these your bowings?" "Don't do your own bowings, son"
"Oh yeah, It's a great piece..." (at post-concert reception) "I don't like your conducting, but I'm polite and not sure what else to say"
"No one can play this!" "I haven't practised this!"
"This would be a great opportunity for you" "This would be a great opportunity for me"
(Orchestra manager) "I'd love you to take part in our outreach programs. You are an inspiring person, and it's imperative that we attract a younger audience" Alright, we've rented this Teletubbies costume for you to conduct in..."


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If you could magically create your dream conductor, but he/she could only posess one quality, he/she should preferably be...